Chicago is the only city where our star quarterback makes losing look easy. No sense in wasting millions of dollars on a seasoned QB when we got Khalil Mack leading our defense; that $141 million will be well spent way after we win the Super Bowl. Go Bears!
Our freeways are open to anyone who don't mind getting shot while driving, anytime of the day, because that's just how we roll. Unfortunately, carjacking will cost you extra.
"We love our sugary drinks tax free, and any president who can shoot basketball, save the economy and look damn good doing it."In Chicago, you'll find a camera on every street corner, bus and train because in our fair city crime is like an in-law visiting you for the first time--while you're away at work. You knew the chances of them visiting you one day were high, you just didn't know when. And once you're no longer a virgin to being a victim of our notorious crime, in the city best-known for its crooked politicians, you can sit back and enjoy listening to some good blues music. Chicago and blues, just seems to go hand-to-hand for some auspicious reason.
Yep, I guess you can say we're the city that works, with or without a state budget. Of course we wouldn't be Chicago if we didn't have at least one snowstorm to remind us why we truly love this city. Our kids get to stay home from school, because being a knucklehead is kind of patriotic these days.
"We're the only metropolis that when we say Netflix and chill we really mean Netflix and freaking chill, because it's cold as hell outside."
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